this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
