you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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