All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
