I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
