Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
