Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The adults are the big ones right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
