$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
