I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
