The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
