I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
