Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
