Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
