you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
