I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Actions speak louder than pants.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
