My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
