If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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