im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
