Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
