the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
