As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
