I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
