Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
