I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
