WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
