I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
