look no pants
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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