So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
