Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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