..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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