i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
