do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
