Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
