Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
