i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am available for nakedness
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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