my phone needs a breathalizer
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
