i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
