I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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