Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
