Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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