life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
