You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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