I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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