remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How external is "for external use only"?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
