he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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