He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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