she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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