we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
