The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
