For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
