Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
