i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
