...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
