Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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