don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
